happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
