Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
