do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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