I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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