I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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