Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
