umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
