Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
