my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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