im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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