I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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