Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
