I wish I only lived at night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
