Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
