This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
