my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
