If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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