Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
