My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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