I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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