I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
what day is it and did you see me today?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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