you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
