Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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