It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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