I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
