she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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