bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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