Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
