My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
