Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize