we have officially lost it.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
