don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
