if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
