The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
