i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
