Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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