I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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