I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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