Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
