Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
