he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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