Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
