9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
