so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We got so high we made milksteak
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
