is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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