My Higher Power is John Stamos
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
