Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have already put on my inside pants.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
