First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize