We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
