very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
