I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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