PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
