so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
