Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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