Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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