Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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