A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I want a musical about memes.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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