My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
