so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
