im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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