3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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