he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
