ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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