P.S. I can't hear my feet
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
