shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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