Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
