Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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