he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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