God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the liver wants what the liver wants
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize