just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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