Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
