Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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