We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
