So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
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Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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