i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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