how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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